I hate movies like poison but I get a kick out of imitiating them.

You take somebody's mother, all they want to hear about is what a hot-shot their son is.

I'm always saying, "Glad to have met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad i met.

The thing is, it's really hard to be roommates with people if you suitcases are much better than theirs - if your are really good ones and theirs aren't.

All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.

The guys that are on the basketball team stick together, the guys that play bridge stick together. Even the guys that belong to the goddam Book-of-the-Month Club stick together.